So, this is the post I meant to write last time, but another one came out instead.
I find that when I’m lost and swirling in the waves of uncertainty and overwhelm of life that I seem to be able to right myself, and take the next step forward after a moment of clarity. In the last year or so, I have realised not only this pattern, but also the form of my moments of clarity.
It seems to go like this. I’m lost, or beating myself up, or overwhelmed or some other unhelpful emotions that are clearly holding me back. And then …. it “appears”. A word picture.
These word pictures aren’t visual … so not a “picture” as such. But rather some words that describe a picture.
Let me share one with you. There was a time, about 18 months ago, when everything seemed to just go wild. My orderly and structure life completely went to pieces. All of a sudden, I was behind on my work, behind on my house management, there was no food in the cupboard, and I had lost the practices that fed me. Months and months later, after torturing myself with my failures and so on … the moment came. I realised that I had simply “come to the boil”. So all of the disorder and garbage had been there all along in the stew of my life. Turning up the heat, simply brought it to the surface.
Now I didn’t see a saucepan bubbling away with globs of fat needing to be skimmed … rather I “read” it …. as if in a book. And that moment helped. Immensely. Things made sense to me. I stopped feeling like a victim, I could take ownership of my stuff, and start to come back to me.
Just a few weeks ago I had a similar moment about my blog. This blog is my “studio”. My art room. My sewing room. My kitchen. If I was a painter, these words would be my paint and my brush. If was a quilter (like my mum), these words would be my fabric and thread. If I was a heartfelt cook, they would be my ingredients and my oven.
This blog and these words are, no more and no less, my way of sitting with my feelings and my experiences. They come together and I mix swirl and weave them together for no particular purpose … other than the love of words and written expression.
So, although to my eyes and to yours, my blog is just words on a page … in my heart it is a beautiful painting in wonderful colours. I think this one is flowers in a vase! What do you think?
I would encourage you to find your “studio” wherever it may be … and truly let your heart and soul flow through it. It will help with everything else. Mine does.