I really love the opportunity that this blog has given me. The chance to ask questions that I would have otherwise ignored, to poke around inside my thoughts and my feelings, and see what I can see. Most importantly, I get to see them from another view. An outside view.
Other (probably saner) people than me, seem to be able to just do this. I’ve needed to throw it on a screen, and onto the interwebs to really hear, see and feel the call of “me”.
I love reading other blogs, and have a fab crew that I read regularly. I don’t tend to subscribe (sorry), but rather trust that the ones I need the most will pop up in front of my FB or twitter feed. And they do. Of course!
One of those was from the fabulous Eden at Edenland this morning. I was all ready to write about some parenting fail and quandry moments (and I’ll still go there, many times, I’m sure), when Eden gave me a shove in another direction. Click here to check it out.
Her challenge for today, “come stage your comeback ….. who are you?”
How would I write about that? As soon as I started asking myself “who are you”, rather than seeing who I am, I kept seeing the things that aren’t me, particularly the contrasts that are in my life.
My life shows that I have made a pattern of choosing things that conflict with each other. Try these contrasts on for size:
– I’m a nurturing soul and I have chosen to marry early and have 4 children. BUT I work full time, own my own business, my husband has his own business. So I’m not really around all that often to nurture my own family.
– I’m passionate about families. BUT I didn’t have contact with my parents and sisters for years.
– I’m a tactful and respectful communicator. BUT I work as a family lawyer, litigating through family break down.
– I hate conflict. BUT I chose an industry that only exists because of conflict.
– I’m social and thrive on the connection with others. BUT I rarely spend time with, or even have, any friends in real life (if I’m truly honest).
– I’m a lover of homemade food created from natural ingredients. BUT we have cheap pizza weekly, and an array of convenience and takeaway foods that I hate.
– I love getting to know people and lifestyles that I would have never otherwise have imagined. BUT I’ve never left Australia, or even explored this country.
– I love the calm that comes with a planned and orderly life. BUT I hate the feeling of inflexibility and robotic performance that comes from following a detailed plan.
– I give people advice every day about how to deal with their children and their finances. BUT I have drama and difficulty and failure in my life.
So what does this mean? Am I still miles away from me? Or have I chosen these contrasts to work out exactly what I need to be me. I hope it’s the second, because that’s cool.
Now I just need to find the ways to get the “BUT”s out of the “I am”s. Mmmmm now there’s a project. I very big project, I suspect. And in the meantime, I am happy to be me. Contrasts and constants. It’s all OK. Because …. as the work of the amazing Brene Brown reminds me:
And that is who I am. Someone striving to live a wholehearted life.