My future – Pin the Tail on the Donkey style

It’s a funny thing. This writing. I love it. The stillness. The time to be curious. Without purpose, other than the presence to sit, ask and allow.

 

That was my intention. To write for me. For no other purpose than to lose myself for a while in the play of creating.  To use my thoughts and feelings as the ingredients, to mix them in my mind and see how it looked and sometimes tasted when it was all laid out on the page.  But secretly, I still hoped there was a purpose. That somehow this blog would become something. Something beyond my studio.  Because I struggle to lay down the purpose, the goals, the doing.

 

I think, like any exercise, I am building my strength and my resilience.  My writing muscles are being used regularly, fed with inspiration and are showing me the benefits.  In courage.

 

Yesterday, a work thing finished early, and rather than spinning straight back to the office for more doing, I decided to take myself off to a cafe for some writing.  Some being.  I wasn’t feeling called to write a blog post, but to write something just for me.  Some words I could feel bubbling away and I knew they would only be able to make their sense, once they were out, open on a page, and I could view them from the front, the side and even with one eye closed and my head tilted to the side.  All the views help, they do!

 

So, I went, and I wrote.  A thing that I stupidly called “The Manifesto”.  I didn’t really know what that meant, it was just the word I was compelled to use.  I checked with Mr Google (my new English teacher) this morning, and the Webster Dictionary tells me:

Definition of MANIFESTO

: a written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer

Cue the world spinning a little bit for me.
While I sat at the cafe, I wrote my Manifesto.  Feeling a little like Jerry McGuire in the scene where he stays up all night writing, but calls it a Mission Statement.  I have nowhere near the cool of Tom Cruise (nor the weirdness, I hope) and I certainly wasn’t suffering from any dodgy food.
I simply let the words flow, almost fall out of me.  So that I can set my target, for my future.  Because I want to play the next part of my life differently.
So far, I’ve really used the Pin the Tail on the Donkey version of life.  You know, collect up as many options as possible, consider them all until the world looks like it’s spinning, then reach out and hope it will be alright.  Definitely, that’s how I chose my degree for uni.  My QTAC form must have looked like a form completely by a madperson after a wild night and they could no longer see straight.
Life has still taken me where I’ve needed to go so far.  And I’m grateful for my “fluke” that placed where I needed for be.  So far.  But it’s time for more.  For me.
And so I let the words show me.  About my future and what I can see it looking like.  Not a solid sensible future that meets the “should” expectations, but one that made me almost giggly with excitement.  Seriously, imagine if!  What “imagine if” thoughts do you have, often, but put them back in their little box.  Telling them there are silly and have no place in your sensible life, that you couldn’t possibly be the one to do “that”.
Then, after playing with those thoughts, I woke in the middle of the night.  And couldn’t sleep.  After a while of pretending, I turned my phone down to it’s lowest ebb, tucked it under my pillow and saw what was happening on twitter for a while.  And, then.  There it was. A post that I needed to read.  A Letter from Your Calling.
It’s me. The one who keeps talking to you about that thing. That project. That possibility.

I know you think you couldn’t be the one for the job, but honestly, if you weren’t the one for the job, I wouldn’t have come to you with it.

 

So, there you have it.  My calling and I seem to have got past our silly dance, where it keeps coming to me, and I keep pretending I don’t hear it and can’t feel it.

 

Now, just to figure out what I need to do.  To show up.

 

And now begins another game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey.  The twist is, the game is now played with the “how” piece, not the “what”.

Spin me, baby, spin me, and we’ll see where the pin lands 🙂

K xxx

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About Kathryn Hodges

Hi! I'm Kathryn. I have many hats in this life. I am a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother (of 4!), a friend, a keen try-er of yoga, a lawyer, a business owner, an avid reader and a lover of this electronic world and it's connections. As the Principal of a wonderful law firm on the Sunshine Coast, Qld, Australia, I focus on seeing my clients as people going through change and I am committed to practising mindfully that I am dealing with people and their families. Precious stuff, hey! I hope you enjoy learning more about the things that impact on me, my life and my practice. Please leave me a comment, as I'm sure you have something you can show or teach me. We're all in this learning thing, called life, together xx Oh, and my professional obligations mean I have to remind you that my opinions are my own.
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2 Responses to My future – Pin the Tail on the Donkey style

  1. shoesandyoga says:

    To a great extent chucking ourselves onto a spinning wheel and seeing where it chucks us out is a reasonable enough way to find a career path.

    Of course if we listened to anyone when we were young we would go see a careers counsellor and actually listen to and absorb what they have to say…

    • Kathryn Hodges says:

      Yeah, I agree. We will often be pulled in the direction we need anyway.
      I’ve just been grappling with some options for a while, and I wanted to stop the see-sawing in my mind.
      The power of clarity, and all that!!
      K x

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