It’s fair to say that for the past little while, I’ve been going through some stuff, and working through my very own mid-life
I now wear my always before shoulder-or-just shorter dark curly hair in a very short let-the-grey-shine-through kind of way. I long ago stopped wearing my “uniform” to work. For years, I had a rotation of 3/4 sleeved, business name embroidered shirts that I wore with appropriately mundane skirts and pants. You know, the “suit”. No more! Now I wear, well, whatever takes my fancy!! This winter there was a long of knee length boot action (with so many buckles I jangled with every step). There’s always beads, hopefully a scarf, and something that feels closer to my essence.
I’ve got a tattoo here and there, and frankly, plan on getting a few more. When the time is right and there is a story or a belief or a connection I want to make. I’m guessing they will become more visible. Thinking upper arm next time.
Sorry to those who don’t like that sort of thing.
I’m un-learning my profession’s ways, so that I can stay on my edge, and stand for what ought to be. Learning to identify the core of lawyering (problem solving, maybe, I’m still working this through) and actually learn about conflict and communication (shocking – I know!).
This has all been uncomfortable and liberating, and it has felt, like the uncovering of me. The removal of the hair colour, the uniform, the armour of traditional lawyering, to allow the real me to be seen, truly and vulnerably seen.
Then this week, as I was driving home from Court (where I am still too afraid to wear my knee high boots), desperate to remove my “uniform” and get back into some “me” gear I had a flash. And it was quite disturbing. “What if I’m not uncovering the real me, but instead I’m just turning into a crazy old lady?”
Immediately I had visions, and they weren’t pretty.
That led me to consult the oracle. Well, at least throw it out on twitter. Panic attack style.
I received 2 equally delightful answers.
The lovely Michaela at Five Frogs Blog quickly whipped me a “Why worry Xxx”
And the always helpful Kasey Fox at Kasey Fox Lawyer threw me a “can’t it be both :-)”
Which led to an exhale.
Yeah? Why worry?? If I’m enjoying the ride, loving playing around with who I am, how I present myself, how I show up and how I connect with the world around me, then, there’s nothing to worry about. And maybe the real me and crazy old lady can be part of each other. I don’t know about you, but to me, that watermelon sure looks good. And, she looks pretty darn happy.
After all, it’s the crazy ones who have changed the world.
Wanna come be crazy with me? It may take us a while, but we’ll get there 🙂
ps – I absolutely HAVE to share this pic. Tyben made this picture collage this morning. “Mum, I thought it would be useful for your blurb”. 🙂 It is absolutely is, Tyben xxx