Is it Me, or the Crazy Old Lady?

It’s fair to say that for the past little while, I’ve been going through some stuff, and working through my very own mid-life crisis awakening.

I now wear my always before shoulder-or-just shorter dark curly hair in a very short let-the-grey-shine-through kind of way.  I long ago stopped wearing my “uniform” to work.  For years, I had a rotation of 3/4 sleeved, business name embroidered shirts that I wore with appropriately mundane skirts and pants.  You know, the “suit”.  No more!  Now I wear, well, whatever takes my fancy!!  This winter there was a long of knee length boot action (with so many buckles I jangled with every step).  There’s always beads, hopefully a scarf, and something that feels closer to my essence.

I’ve got a tattoo here and there, and frankly, plan on getting a few more.  When the time is right and there is a story or a belief or a connection I want to make.  I’m guessing they will become more visible.  Thinking upper arm next time.  Sorry to those who don’t like that sort of thing.

I’m un-learning my profession’s ways, so that I can stay on my edge, and stand for what ought to be.  Learning to identify the core of lawyering (problem solving, maybe, I’m still working this through) and actually learn about conflict and communication (shocking – I know!).

This has all been uncomfortable and liberating, and it has felt, like the uncovering of me.  The removal of the hair colour, the uniform, the armour of traditional lawyering, to allow the real me to be seen, truly and vulnerably seen.

Then this week, as I was driving home from Court (where I am still too afraid to wear my knee high boots), desperate to remove my “uniform” and get back into some “me” gear I had a flash.  And it was quite disturbing.  “What if I’m not uncovering the real me, but instead I’m just turning into a crazy old lady?”

Immediately I had visions, and they weren’t pretty.

That led me to consult the oracle.  Well, at least throw it out on twitter.  Panic attack style.

I received 2 equally delightful answers.

The lovely Michaela at Five Frogs Blog quickly whipped me a “Why worry Xxx”

And the always helpful Kasey Fox at Kasey Fox Lawyer threw me a “can’t it be both :-)”

Which led to an exhale.

Yeah?  Why worry?? If I’m enjoying the ride, loving playing around with who I am, how I present myself, how I show up and how I connect with the world around me, then, there’s nothing to worry about.  And maybe the real me and crazy old lady can be part of each other.  I don’t know about you, but to me, that watermelon sure looks good.  And, she looks pretty darn happy.

After all, it’s the crazy ones who have changed the world.

Wanna come be crazy with me?  It may take us a while, but we’ll get there 🙂

K xxx

ps – I absolutely HAVE to share this pic.  Tyben made this picture collage this morning.  “Mum, I thought it would be useful for your blurb”.  🙂  It is absolutely is, Tyben xxx

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About Kathryn Hodges

Hi! I'm Kathryn. I have many hats in this life. I am a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother (of 4!), a friend, a keen try-er of yoga, a lawyer, a business owner, an avid reader and a lover of this electronic world and it's connections. As the Principal of a wonderful law firm on the Sunshine Coast, Qld, Australia, I focus on seeing my clients as people going through change and I am committed to practising mindfully that I am dealing with people and their families. Precious stuff, hey! I hope you enjoy learning more about the things that impact on me, my life and my practice. Please leave me a comment, as I'm sure you have something you can show or teach me. We're all in this learning thing, called life, together xx Oh, and my professional obligations mean I have to remind you that my opinions are my own.
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18 Responses to Is it Me, or the Crazy Old Lady?

  1. How lovely! Thanks for the link 🙂
    I’m glad the “advice” helped. I wanted to say EMBRACE YOUR CRAZY IT’S SO MUCH MORE FUN but I sense you’re not quite ready for that.
    #oops
    xxxxxxx

  2. Debyl1 says:

    That has to be one of the great things about get older…we seem to get an inner strength that gives us the confidence we lacked in younger years.The courage to let the crazy old lady out so she can tell us to take the layers off and reveal the real us.
    In youth we so worry what others think and we do so much to please everyone else.When it boils down to it…did it do us any good?
    I wish I had the beautiful Michaela around then to say to me..why worry! Wise woman that one.
    So yes,it may not be easy and it may take time but I will come join the crazy with you.
    After all my daughter has been calling me crazy for years!Maybe she knew something I didnt.Xx

    • Kathryn Hodges says:

      Oh yes, the “worry about what others think” trick.
      I can remember being extraordinarily stressed about what to wear to lawyer training events. Because obviously no suits, but what would they think was ok?? Pullease!!

      Yay!! I have a crazy playmate 🙂

      That pleases my (old lady crazy) heart just so much, Debbie.
      K xxx

  3. You go girl! I’m a crazy cat (and dog) lady and it’s very liberating. When you embrace the inner you, you’ll meet others who are on the same path and embrace you as a sister, or who want to be on that path and look upon you as a guru. 🙂

    Have your watermelon, your cake, your watermelon shaped ice-cream, slather nutella on it, and eat it too!!! 🙂

  4. lybliss says:

    Lovely lovely honest post xxx
    I adore that your friend said “Why can’t it be both?” So true… Let your crazy out!!
    I have found a new me, the older I get and the less I worry what the world thinks of me, the more ‘me’ I become. If some people equate that with Crazy Old Lady, then that’s a jaunty little beret I’ll wear with pride.
    I’ll join your tribe, I can’t be bothered pretending to be someone else anymore.. life is too short

    • Kathryn Hodges says:

      I love your comment, Lisa. Thanks so much.

      And yes, it really is an effort to pretend to be someone else. Such a waste of energy that could be directed to a million great things.

      K xxx

  5. There is something incredibly liberating about uncovering your authentic self. You go girl!! I stopped pretending to be someone else about ten years ago, and are constantly evoling into believing that I’m the amazing person people are always telling me I am. Fly your freak flag high and proud Hunny. X

    • Kathryn Hodges says:

      I’ve only just found my flag, I think.

      It is fun just being who I am. 🙂 so much fun, in fact.

      Thanks Vicky,
      K xxx

  6. Vanessa says:

    Synergy yet again!. A very wise friend told me “what other people think of you is none of your business” and yes, it took me some time to work on it and now, what I think matters, that’s it. Learning who you are and loving yourself in the process is an amazing journey. I love that you share it.

    Lotsa Love Sista xoxoxo

    PS I don’t like watermelon

    • Kathryn Hodges says:

      Hi Vanesssa,
      I’ve heard that a million times, but it’s taken a long time to start to eve get anywhere close to understanding it!!

      This really is so much fun, if I can let it just be.
      K xxx

  7. I think you can just remember the quote….”Be yourself, there is no-one better qualified.”
    there is your answer….and there is the challenge – to know (and love) yourself inside & out. Blessings Karen

    • Kathryn Hodges says:

      Karen,

      I don’t know about you, but often the simplest things can be the most difficult. Nowhere to hide in simplicity!!
      K x

  8. rodneybukuya says:

    Congratulations, unlearning your industry is not only difficult but there’s a lot of vested interests trying to drag you back into the swill with them.

    • Kathryn Hodges says:

      Yes, Rodney.
      I’m sure you understand what I mean. I suspect you’re further along the path than me!!

      When I need a little bit of encourage to stay off the beaten track, I’ll let you know. Promise you’ll cheer 🙂
      K x

  9. Vanessa Moore says:

    It’s fun off the track, I know as an ActionCOACH I am…..and I love what I do and how I do it, even if other coaches tell me I should be someone else.

    Piece by piece my friend xoxoxo

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