This week has been a rattler. I would love to share those stories with you, because I firmly believe that it is our sharing that helps us all to understand better that we’re not alone. To see that we’re not the only broken one.
Because, you know what, that smooth, confident, calm colleague, boss, friend or stranger we see, is in fact wrestling with something that could pull them undone at any moment. It’s not just you. I promise you that.
But because my things, my this week things, involve other people, I cannot say more than things have happened that have taken me by surprise. Life. Health. Work. Stuff.
Those things led to a whole bunch of phone calls, that frankly I couldn’t quite believe I was having. I had many an out of body moment, when I would be in a conversation, then suddenly, I would hear a phrase, a word, a sentence again and feel like it couldn’t be true. But it was.
In one of those chats, I had a great gift. During one call, where I had expected criticism or judgement, I heard this “Kathryn, welcome to humanity”, said with compassion and understanding.
We had a discussion about the constant demands for perfection, the push to constant and ever increasing acceleration and where that can lead, when confronted with, well, the imperfection of our humanity. Hello Black Dog? Fortunately, the dog hasn’t arrived, but I can certainly see the open gate that could allow The Black Dog to wander on in.
So, yesterday afternoon, I acted on the advice I had received. I took my foot off the accelerator, and headed on over to the beach. Just me, Jack, fresh air, and no time limit.
I did my best not to think. To stop analysing. To stop planning and organising. And to just be.
Lucky I had an expert with me. Jack knows EXACTLY how to do that. To run at a bird that he’ll never catch. To sniff at the crazy puffs of ocean foam that jump along in the beach breeze. And to sit or stand, or sit then stand. You know. Just enjoy it ALL! As the waves roll on and on and on, with their complete disregard for anything else.
Before I knew it, there were raindrops falling, and I fought the practical urge to run to the car before we got wet. Because, well, we were already wet, and what did it matter anyway.
It was only then, once I’d let go, really settled into just hanging out, that the gift arrived. A rainbow appeared. Isn’t it lovely! Then I noticed something even better … that regardless of the clouds and the wind and the rain. The blue sky is still there.
Regardless of how dark the clouds of life might be, the blue sky is there, waiting. And it WILL show itself again.
And then to make sure I didn’t forget, another one appeared just as I headed home.
So despite making my through an emotionally rigorous week, today I literally feel relaxed and peaceful.
After all, the blue sky is still right where it always was. Ready to brighten my days.
What do you do, to remind yourself that the sky is still blue on the days that feel so dark and grey?
ps – I am really and truly OK.