Today is a weird one for me. My Saturday routine usually includes some doing of the mundane … dishes and breakfast and a load of washing or two … and all the while my brain is sifting and sorting and playing with The Words.
Most of the time I’m really clear on what The Words will be that I share that day. I usually feel a compelling phrase or story that I need to release and after all that sifting and sorting, I sit and tap out the words.
This week, it’s not happening easily.
And truth be told, that’s a lie.
I do have things I want to say, but I’m scared to say them. I’m scared that if I put them out there, you’ll know. My secret dreams and goals.
The ones that, probably, are not that secret at all. I just think that I’m being clever and hiding them from you.
But somehow, the thought of exposing them, leaves me feeling …. well … that is the issue. I can’t get my feelings straight, because I can’t stop thinking. “What if I say it, then I don’t do it, that’ll just show everyone how slack I am”. “What if it’s a stupid idea”. “What if someone who has seen me on a bad day speaks out”. “What if I really should just focus on what I already have in my life, and leave the this might change lives things to others who have more time, more time, more skills, more courage, more of everything than me”.
As I’m writing this, I can see how small minded and ego centric and simply ridiculous it is.
But for now, it is the truth. And I wish I had some fun story from my week to tell you instead.
I am wondering what I need to do within myself to begin to shorten the time between my ideas and my actions. In my life, so far, that has usually been a long, long time. With a bunch of fear and scarcity stopping the action, but never quite killing the idea.
Do you have any tips for me to get me into action mode quicker …. or should I be making peace that this is my process, and it’s OK.
For now, I’m going to let the jumbled words fly, see the ideas as they could be, and go play with Trixie.
I’m thinking chocolate mousse. See, I can act quickly on some ideas 🙂