Last weekend I did a little time trip until the end of July. Well, kind of.
I pretended it was my sister Bronwyn’s first wedding anniversary and gave her a special gift. Although it was a gift, it was really making sure that something ended up back where it belongs.
Back in 2011, when Mum turned 60, my 2 sisters and I chipped in together and bought Mum a ruby pendant. I’m pretty sure that it was Bronwyn who did the work of selecting it, and if I listen to my intuition, I suspect she did a whole lot more “chipping in” than Suzie and I did. But I know for Bronwyn that never mattered.
Anyway, it is a beautiful pendant. Pretty, with lots of stones. Just right.
When Bronwyn got engaged, we all just knew that Mum would lend that pendant to Bronwyn so she could wear it on her wedding day. And she did. And it looked amazing.
Just perfect, and it suited Bronwyn so very well, and allowed to physically carry a piece of her MotherLove (that’s what she often called Mum) with her during her special day.
Then, just 2 months later, we were sitting in Mum & Dad’s bedroom doing the unthinkable. Dividing up her jewellery. Because Mum had died. And while some families wouldn’t do that straight away, we all knew that Mum wanted the three of us to share in her jewellery. In fact, it was so important to her that she has made us each take one ring a few years earlier.
Anyway, we sat with Mum’s jewellery, our faces wet and our eyes raw and sore from crying the tears of true heartache and loss, and did what she wanted us to do.
I received Mum’s eternity ring and her ruby pendant. Mum had already given me her replacement wedding ring in the earlier round of “I want you girls to have my jewellery”.
Initially, I wasn’t sure about the eternity ring, but I wore it. Feeling so blessed to have piece of Mum so close to me, and I initially I loved it just for that.
It is a simple ring, with 2 blue stones (MY favourite colour) and I haven’t gone a day without them so far.
I love them and imagine I will be wearing them forever.
The pendant, though was never really a good fit. It was a bit pretty. A bit fancy. Just not quite what I would wear.
But, because my Mum had died, and it had been “left to me” I wore it anyway. I felt a little bit like I had to, or that I should. It wasn’t right to leave it in my jewellery box never seeing the light of day.
Early on, I tried to give it to Bronwyn, but neither she nor I were in the right space. Looking back, I just felt so bad for her, because she seemed to be so very broken by Mum’s loss. And I think I secretly hoped that if I gave her just one more special thing of Mum’s it might help her to find her way.
Which it never would have. But in sad and upsetting times, we do what we think will help. Even if we know it won’t.
Anyway, the months have rolled on now, and I have continued to tussle with the pendant. Never quite feeling like it should be with me, but if I had it, wanting to enjoy it.
I was feeling stuck about it, and turned to one of my soul sista’s. In a flash she said “Why don’t you give it to Bronwyn for her anniversary”.
I knew it immediately.
And so, pretending that her anniversary was here, when Bronwyn was down here with us last weekend, I gave her the pendant. Not because she was upset and I needed to feel like I was helping her. Not because I wasn’t going to wear it.
But simply because I was making sure it was back where it belongs.
Finally, I am at peace with the pendant.
And I’m sure Mum would be thrilled.