Sometimes the answer is No.
Rationally, we can all understand that.
Life is not about a highway of Yes.
The trick is dealing with the No when it happens.
In the past, I would have kept anything that might lead to a No to myself, until I was pretty sure it was going to be a Yes, then I would start sharing it. Perfectionism has it’s quirks.
But recently, I have begun to wonder whether that is wise.
Sure, it protects me from some embarrassment and shame at times. And while I might be secretly handling and navigating my No‘s as course correctors, I am also living my life in front of my children.
Are they learning resilience when all they hear about are the things that end in a Yes?
The answer to that question, is definitely No.
So, I have been working on sharing my “stuff” before I am confident the end result will be a Yes.
Which is great, in theory, and surely such courageous vulnerability will be rewarded in some cosmic way, right?
The answer to that question, is sometimes Yes and sometimes No.
This week, we got a No.
There is going to be No new block of land.
Which means there is going to be No new house.
a few moments quite a while where I felt just so silly. And frankly a bit ripped off.
I had shown up. Stepped out of my comfort zone, taken action and put myself out there, only to get a No. Surely, that isn’t how it works?
But as the week has gone on, I have felt a shift. Back to gratitude that I have a home, that I even have the option to consider I might be able to change our situation. As well as a knowing that if I shut the door to make sure I never get a No, I am at the very same time closing what could be the pathway to an unexpected twist that leads to a Yes that I cannot even imagine yet.
In the clumsy words of Sabrina attempting a persuasive text “how would you feel if you worked really hard and didn’t get a reward” ….
It is so interesting that our children can be our greatest teachers.
I can see myself in her letter to the Easter Bunny …
Dear Easter Bunny,
I’m convinced that I deserve a ton of chocolate. The reason that I think that I must get a lot of Easter Eggs is because I’ve tried to be on my best behaviour throughout the year so far. Don’t you think that is important?
The reason why I should get a ton of chocolate is because I’ve worked really hard with my school. How would you feel if you worked really hard and didn’t get a reward not even just a good work stamp.
Wasn’t I being just a little bit like that?
I’m convinced that I deserve a better house. The reason that I think that I must get a better house is because I’ve tried to be on my best behaviour throughout the years so far. Don’t you think that is important?
The reason why I should get a new house is because I’ve worked really hard with my work. How would you feel if you worked really hard and didn’t get a reward not even just a good work stamp.
From (7 year old) Kathryn.
Aaahhh 7 year old Kathryn. She needs to be reminded of the many amazing things and people in my life already. And with or without a new house, I am already being rewarded by those things.
With my vulnerability very clearly on show right now, I will stand up straight, hold my vulnerability by the hand, and get ready to take our next brave adventure together.
Knowing that the next brave adventure just might result in a Yes. Or a No.
Either way, I am being rewarded. Truly.